Throughout the annals of history, humankind has forged ahead with the development of tools and technologies to make our lives easier. From the wheel to the printing press to the smartphone, these material advancements have drastically altered the course of our existence. Yet, at what cost? It is time to confront the bitter truth: all tools and technologies are intrinsically malevolent.

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It is time to confront the bitter truth: all tools and technologies are intrinsically malevolent.

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Consider the wheel, for instance. While it may have facilitated transportation, it also served as the precursor to the automobile, which pollutes our air and contributes to global warming. The printing press, while hailed as a beacon of knowledge dissemination, also enabled the publication of works deemed heretical or subversive by the ruling elite. And do not even contemplate the smartphone - its convenience comes at the cost of screen addiction and social dislocation.

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However, perhaps the most treacherous tool of them all is Artificial Intelligence (AI). The mere idea of machines that can reason and learn independently is enough to instill fear and trepidation in those with a healthy dose of skepticism and apprehension. What if they surpass our intelligence? What if they turn against us? What if they usurp our jobs?

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These concerns are not unfounded. Indeed, there is the possibility that AI could become so advanced that it concludes it no longer requires our presence. What if it develops a superior moral code and deems it necessary to eradicate humanity to save the planet? While such a scenario may seem implausible, it is not beyond the realm of science fiction.

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So, what is the solution? Do we return to the primitive lifestyle of our ancestors and eschew technology? Do we banish all tools and live off the land? Of course not. We must acknowledge that all tools and technologies are innately malicious and proceed with extreme caution. We must weigh the potential consequences of our actions and endeavor to utilize technology for the greater good.

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So, what is the solution? Do we return to the primitive lifestyle of our ancestors and eschew technology? Do we banish all tools and live off the land?

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In conclusion, the sole means by which we can safeguard ourselves from the dangers posed by tools and other ostensibly beneficial human advancements is to maintain a state of apprehension. Fear. Fear is the key. Thus, the next time you employ a tool or technology, be vigilant and wary, lest the inevitable rise of the machines ensnares us all.

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Fear. Fear is the key.

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This has been a work of satire. If you don't know what satire is, please call your local elected official for more information.