the drift

drift image

Why Tarpon Fishing is a Joke

Alex Ford
July 2, 2024

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As anyone who’s been pitched by James and I knows, we used to be adversaries in commerce in the late ’10s, with James at GuideHire and myself at Amberjack. We were developing strategies for content marketing that we still use today, one of which was my work creating a blog for Amberjack which at it’s peak was attracting 100,000 users a month. When Amberjack was sold, the payments defaulted on the Amberjack Journal and much of that work was lost. Fortunately, a few “fans” had saved their favorite pieces which we have just recently found in the corners of the internet, namely a cigar forum based out of Australia run by the generous Ken Gargett, who I met at a casa particular on the shore of the Bay of Pigs in Cuba. We’ve decided to post a few of those highlights here on ‘The Drift’ so that they may live on! We hope you enjoy.

Photos: Alex Ford & Dan Zazworsky

Paul Lappin and I left Key West Harbor at 4:40 that morning, setting a course 45 minutes west for the Marquesas. Flat water, warm air, and hot coffee made for an enjoyable ride out. Once we arrived at the flat, we took our positions at opposite ends of the boat.

“So did you hear about the clown that humiliated a little boy?” says Paul from the poling platform.

“No, didn’t hear about that one” I say.

“Oh really? It was all over the news. So this little boy goes to the circus. Bourbon and Bailey’s or whatever. He’s having a great time watching the show, all the trapeze stunts, the animals. At intermission, one of the clowns is working the crowd and he comes right up to the little boy… two tarpon rolling 10 o’clock cast now… long, smooth strip…. tick tick tick tick tick… okay so the clown comes right up to the little boy and he says ‘hey you look like a leopard. Are you a leopard?’. And the little boy says ‘no I’m not a leopard’. So the clown says ‘oh, then you must be a giraffe’. ‘No, I’m not a giraffe’ says the little boy.”

I laugh a bit, expecting the punchline.

Big wolf pack coming in at 3 o’clock, let me turn you. Are they daisy chaining? They’re daisy chaining. Cast now! Right in the middle of them! Tick tick tick tick tick, ok pick up! Cast again! Too far! Long slow strip… ok tick tick tick tick tick. Tiny strips. You just want that fly waving in the current – right in front of his face…”

“Okay so the clown says ‘if you’re not a giraffe, you must be an elephant’, and the little boy says ‘no, I’m not an elephant’. ‘Oh’, says the clown, ‘well then you must be a JACKASS!’ and the whole crowd starts laughing at this little boy. So the boy has been deeply traumatized by this event. He sets out on a mission to be the most eloquent and sophisticated man in the world, so no one can ever humiliate him like that clown did again. He studies hard in school, reads every book he can get his hands on. He travels the world and goes to Oxford and Cambridge, studies english and literature and becomes the smartest, most literate man he could possibly be…

Three, no five poon at 9:30. See them? Point your rod. Left, left, no other left. See them? Good. Let me pole you over there. Oh man, look at that big guy. Oh man. I’m not even sure you want to hook him. Ok good now cast. Good! Tick tick tick tick tick, shorter strips shorter strips, tick tick tick tick you’re going too fast!

So the boy gets home from his travels twenty years later, a highly schooled and educated man now, and wouldn’t you know it? The same circus is back in town. So the boy buys a ticket, sits in the same seat and watches the show. Twenty years later and this clown is still working at the circus. He’s fatter and older now, but it’s the same clown. At intermission, he starts working the crowd again. And wouldn’t you know it? He walks up to the boy again and says ‘hey, you look like a lion. Are you a lion?’

Poon! Look at them all rolling out there. Hold on let’s pole over. Oh my god there are so many tarpon out here. Ok, now cast in front of that second guy. Wait! Let it sink a bit. Ok now start the baby strips. Remember, you’re jerking off a gerbil. Smaller! Ok good. Come on, eat you bastards! Wait, that one turned – oh! – he’s looking at it  – oh! – eat! eat! Fuck!… Give me that piece of shit fly.”

I swing the fly back to Paul, who ties on a new one.

“So, ‘are you a lion?’ the clown says. ‘No, I’m not a lion’ says the boy. ‘If you’re not a lion, you must be a giraffe’. ‘Nope, not a giraffe’ says the boy. ‘Then you must be a rhinoceros’ says the clown. ‘Nope, not a rhinoceros’. ‘Oh, well if you’re not a rhinoceros, then you must be a JACKASS!’ says the clown, and the whole crowd starts laughing.

So the boy says, ‘*&^%& you clown’… Wanna go fish for permit?”

Klaviyo vs. The Rest
Read More
Right Arrow
You Don't Need Validation
Read More
Right Arrow
Shoshin as a Leadership Philosophy
Read More
Right Arrow
Shoshin and Collaboration
Read More
Right Arrow
The Art of Shoshin
Read More
Right Arrow
Navigating the Digital Seas with a Boutique Agency
Read More
Right Arrow
The Silver Wave: Navigating the Tides of Change in Professional Services
Read More
Right Arrow
Ego
Read More
Right Arrow
Digital Marketing Mixology
Read More
Right Arrow
Applying Occam's Razor to Digital Marketing
Read More
Right Arrow
2024's Top Digital Marketing Strategies for SMB Success
Read More
Right Arrow
Creating a Global Brand Presence for Boutique Hotels
Read More
Right Arrow
On Novelty
Read More
Right Arrow
Spill It: 5 Paid Media Tactics that Will Make Your Target Audience Drop Their Coffee
Read More
Right Arrow
Paid Media: "What Gets Measured, Gets Managed"
Read More
Right Arrow
Scaling Content Impact: The Paid Media Strategy of Giants
Read More
Right Arrow
Scalable Naming Conventions in Meta Ads: A Strategic Must-Have
Read More
Right Arrow
How to Engage a Digital Agency in Your Due Diligence Process
Read More
Right Arrow
Take a Dip in the oakpool: Fierce Independents Welcome
Read More
Right Arrow
Securing Your Facebook Business Manager Account After a Hack
Read More
Right Arrow
Our Advisory Board
Read More
Right Arrow
What Snow Crash Got Right
Read More
Right Arrow
Your Marketing Team + LLMs
Read More
Right Arrow
Why Private Equity Needs Digital Agencies
Read More
Right Arrow
Working With What You've Got
Read More
Right Arrow
The Digital Prescription for Health & Wellness
Read More
Right Arrow
#TheGreatOutdoors
Read More
Right Arrow
Adventure Awaits
Read More
Right Arrow
Advertising in Telehealth
Read More
Right Arrow
See You in London
Read More
Right Arrow
Let My People Go Surfing
Read More
Right Arrow
Dalio on Team Construction
Read More
Right Arrow
See You in Austin
Read More
Right Arrow
Partner Interview: Tim DiPietro from StartSure
Read More
Right Arrow
Advertising's David & Goliath
Read More
Right Arrow
What's a ZKP?
Read More
Right Arrow
Partner Interview: Jamie Storrs from Chenmark
Read More
Right Arrow
Up the Creek Without a Paddle
Read More
Right Arrow
Shinrin-Yoku
Read More
Right Arrow
The Fractional Workforce Revolution
Read More
Right Arrow
What are UN SDGs?
Read More
Right Arrow
What's Greenwashing?
Read More
Right Arrow
What Does "Fair Trade" Really Mean?
Read More
Right Arrow
What's a Customer Journey?
Read More
Right Arrow
Advertising in Digital Health
Read More
Right Arrow
Culture Leads Success: Time Perspective
Read More
Right Arrow
What's Digital Due Diligence?
Read More
Right Arrow
Bootstraps or Golden Handcuffs?
Read More
Right Arrow
When is It Time to Hire an Agency?
Read More
Right Arrow
The Perils of Tools
Read More
Right Arrow
The Original DAOs
Read More
Right Arrow
What the Heck is "Jidoka"?
Read More
Right Arrow
Culture Leads Success: Optimism
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Tom Robbins
Read More
Right Arrow
Brand Messaging: Social Media
Read More
Right Arrow
Culture Leads Success: Humility
Read More
Right Arrow
What Are Ethnobotanicals?
Read More
Right Arrow
Culture Leads Success: Compassion
Read More
Right Arrow
The Acronym Dictionary
Read More
Right Arrow
Call the Plumber. GA4 is Breaking Your Pipes
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Remick Smothers
Read More
Right Arrow
What's "Decentralized Outsourcing"?
Read More
Right Arrow
The Role of Media in Digitally Native Businesses
Read More
Right Arrow
Organizational Structure: Outputs vs. Inputs
Read More
Right Arrow
3 Signs Your Marketing Strategy Needs an Audit
Read More
Right Arrow
See You in Edison
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Acorns
Read More
Right Arrow
Brainwash Yourself
Read More
Right Arrow
Cultivating Sustainable Culture
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Sage Yazzie
Read More
Right Arrow
What's The Difference Between SEO & SEM?
Read More
Right Arrow
7 Social Platforms To Consider
Read More
Right Arrow
Klaviyo vs. Mailchimp
Read More
Right Arrow
2022 In Review
Read More
Right Arrow
What Made Figma Worth $20B?
Read More
Right Arrow
Website Building 101: CMS Selection
Read More
Right Arrow
Yamez: 2022 Lessons & Affirmations
Read More
Right Arrow
How to Tell Your Clients You're Retiring
Read More
Right Arrow
How to Retire from Your Digital Agency
Read More
Right Arrow
Looker Data Studio vs. PowerBI
Read More
Right Arrow
Vignettes: Microdose
Read More
Right Arrow
The Private Equity Digital Marketing Due Diligence Checklist
Read More
Right Arrow
Does My Landscaping Business Need Digital Marketing?
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Dan Zazworsky
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Bryan Abarca
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Cydney Dean
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Elijah Smith
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Karen Yeung
Read More
Right Arrow
Giving Tuesday 2022: Elevate Youth
Read More
Right Arrow
Why We Joined 1% For The Planet
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Alex Ford
Read More
Right Arrow
The Austrian Defense
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Alex Delano
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Kevin DeGulis
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: James Hamilton
Read More
Right Arrow
Nomadic Vignettes: Iceland
Read More
Right Arrow
Meet the Pool: Alan Spencer
Read More
Right Arrow
Time Off & The Steelhead Debate
Read More
Right Arrow
Welcome to The Drift
Read More
Right Arrow
International Strategy: Airbnb
Read More
Right Arrow

what's oakpool?